I will fear no evil...

It's been a very difficult week. On August 25, my brother in law Clayton passed away. I cannot go into the details, most know how he died and why it hit us so unexpectedly. Clayton was only 40 years old, getting his life together and planning a future with his soulmate Michelle.

I've been struggling with many why's. Why him, why now. Why did I live and Clayton didn't? I don't believe that one person is better than another, we're all sinners and we've all screwed up. Who makes the call that Clayton dies and I live? We all are supposedly here for a purpose. Did Clayton accomplish his purpose and I haven't?

Mom reminded me of that verse that says that Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. I know the other half of it says that our Lord comes so that we can have life abundantly. Why are some people stolen, killed or destroyed while others get to live life abundantly? Where is the fair in that?

I know I've gotta pull my head out of this rut. I know I'll grieve for a while. Mom told me the other day that there are times when she still tears up over her parents. They passed in the mid-late 80's. Wow! She assures me that it gets better from one day to the next. I hope so.

In church today, Pastor Mark talked about pursuit. What are we pursuing? I have to choose to pursue God. I've had my head so stuck in the past 7 months and all the really challenging trials, especially this past week, that I've lost sight of the thrill of pursuing Him.

He talked about how sometimes there are people we encounter that are space hogs. You know the type that invade your personal space when they're talking to you. Sometimes they get so close you actually inhale their exhale. Ewww. He put a whole new spin on it. Our Lord is a space hog. He wants to be so up in our space that we are inhaling His exhale. He's a gentleman though, He isn't gonna hog your space unless you let Him. Can you imagine being so close in our walk with the Lord that we inhale the very breath of God? Wow, talk about pursuit.

I'm gonna find a way to honor Clayton and move on in my pursuit. No one promised this walk would be easy. I've gotta stop being so surprised when I get hit with a curve ball.

After church, I had some quiet time on the porch. To give you a full picture of this I need to preface this by saying that I can't draw, with a pencil anyway. I am accustomed to drawing with a mouse but not a pencil. So the displayed picture was His hands through mine. I think it's pretty self-explanatory. Thanks Lord, I needed that!

No Condemnation

Ok, something has been bugging me for quite a while now. I'm sure we can all identify with this in one area or another in each of our lives, maybe more than one area. I know that's all over me.

We had a discussion in home group last Sunday around a devotional regarding being a slave to something. I could think of several things. One recently being fear of different driving scenarios after my accident, another being my constant battle with weight. I am sure that there are more but those are the ones in the forefront of my mind and ones I struggle with on a daily, sometimes momentary basis.

As I started thinking about how God feels about my struggling with this, one verse kept popping into my head, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.". So I jumped on the computer and went to Bible Gateway and typed those words in (I'm not very good at all at remembering the references to verses). It came up with Romans 8:1. When I read it in the Amplified it rang out exactly how I remembered it, but there was more. The verse goes on to complete with, "who live and walk not after the dictates of the flesh (ouch), but after the dictates of the Spirit."

Now I know from being raised in church that the flesh causes us to sin, and that the wages of sin is death. Therefore, vs. 2 was pretty easy to swallow when it said, "For the law of the Spirit of life [which is] in Christ Jesus [the law of our new being] has freed me from the law of sin and of death.". Then, vs. 3 goes on to talk about how we are freed from sin as long as we accept the sacrifice, "For God has done what the Law could not do, [its power] being weakened by the flesh [the entire nature of man without the Holy Spirit]. Sending His own Son in the guise of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, [God] condemned sin in the flesh [subdued, overcame, deprived it of its power over all who accept that sacrifice],".

So ok, cool, I've accepted that sacrifice so I guess I'm freed from the sin. So why is it still driving me nuts? Vs. 4 then says, "So that the righteous and just requirement of the Law might be fully met in us who live and move not in the ways of the flesh but in the ways of the Spirit [our lives governed not by the standards and according to the dictates of the flesh, but controlled by the Holy Spirit].".

Ok so I have accepted the sacrifice and according to vs.4 need to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. Well that's good, I was baptised in the Holy Spirit back at youth group in high school. So check, got that one. (Keep reading Amy!)

Vs. 5, "For those who are according to the flesh and are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on and pursue those things which gratify the flesh (ok ouch), but those who are according to the Spirit and are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on and seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit.". There's the challenge. I am by creation a fleshly creature, I am by Sacrifice a redeemed creature. I have chosen to follow my Creator, therefore I must make the choice to "set my mind on and seek those things which gratify the Holy Spirit".

Ok, that's great on paper (in this case on blog) but it's really hard to stick to daily, heck, momentarily. Gimme something to nail some faith on please Lord! Ergo vs. 10-11, "But if Christ lives in you, [then although] your [natural] body is dead by reason of sin and guilt, the spirit (little 's', aka me) is alive because of [the] righteousness [that He imputes to you]. And if the Spirit (big 'S', aka my Lord) of Him Who raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in you, [then] He Who raised up Christ Jesus from the dead will also restore to life your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies through His Spirit Who dwells in you." Sweet! He's here to help me. He knows I'm no where near perfect, and quite often fall off the perverbial horse.

So those verses assure to me that no matter how many times I blow it, because I've accepted His sacrifice and desire to exchange my spirit (little 's') for His Spirit (big 'S') He'll pick me up every time I fall. Cool!

Then, as if I needed a cherry on that sundae, along comes vs. 13. "For if you live according to [the dictates of] the flesh, you will surely die (0k, don't want that). But if through the power of the [Holy] Spirit you are [habitually] putting to death (making extinct, deadening) the [evil] deeds prompted by the body, you shall [really and genuinely] live forever."

Awesome! How's that for a happy ending?!

Am I Digging A Hole?

Matthew 25:14-29 (Today's New International Version) *taken from biblegateway.com

¹⁴ "Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. ¹⁵ To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. ¹⁶ The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. ¹⁷ So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. ¹⁸ But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.

¹⁹ "After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. ²⁰ The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.'

²¹ "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

²² "The man with two bags of gold also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.'

²³ "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

²⁴ "Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. ²⁵ So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'

²⁶ "His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? ²⁷ Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

²⁸ " 'Take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. ²⁹ For those who have will be given more, and they will have an abundance. As for those who do not have, even what they have will be taken from them.

This passage hit me today while I was sitting in church. Today, God has put a new meaning into it. The story is where a man gathers his servants and gives each of them a certain amount of money before he goes on a trip. Some had more than others but each was left to do with what he had been given. This hit me. God gave me gifts, I may not be the most gifted, I may be the least. My challenge is to do for my Master with what He has entrusted to me.

When the master of the servants return, he calls them to see what they have done. Two of them doubled what they'd been given. One held on to what he'd been given, didn't use or increase it. The two that used what they were given wisely were aptly rewarded. The one who had done nothing lost what he had been given and was cast out in shame.

Do I want to be rewarded by doing good with what I've been given? Will I be cast out for idly standing by and doing nothing?

I want to hear my Master say, "Well done good and faithful servant"!

Chapter by Chapter

I was sharing some wonderful news with my Nana a few nights ago regarding my accident. We were talking about the incredible footprints of God throughout this entire ordeal. Just to sit back and look at the many times He has moved in our behalf has been awesome and very encouraging.

About half way through the conversation I said something to Nana that has stuck with me since. I compared this entire accident and all the surrounding details and events to a book. Through His Word and our fervent prayers it's like we already know the ending, like we skipped ahead and read the ending of the book. However, just because we already know how it's going to end doesn't mean we should not read the whole book. There is usually something in those inner chapters that we need to see that will change our lives. We just can't jump to the end, we have to savor the journey. It is in that journey that we receive the blessings and the experiences that we'll use in other "books" in our life.

So rather than rush through this book, I think I'm just gonna hang on and savor my way through each chapter. I always have enjoyed a good book, even when I know how it ends.

Unexpected Compassion

Ever been through something that was life altering? Ever doubt that you would make it through when you were in the thick of it but once you've seen that "light at the end of the tunnel" you can see the footprints of God all over your ordeal?

I got an unexpected dose of compassion today while at church. There's a certain person that is going through something that I have been through. I know exactly how they feel, how lost or alone they must feel. I don't know for sure if they know God and how He can help them through just as He helped me.

The awful thought of going through that experience alone chilled me to the bone. I barely made it through and I had Him. Quite unexpectedly (by my flesh), I found myself praying for them. Trust me, that was a God thing.

I don't know if I'll have the opportunity to talk with this person, they probably don't really want to talk to me. However, I can pray. They can't stop me from doing that.

I must say, this is a new and very different feeling. My flesh says, "Amy, what are you thinking? Why would you pray for them? What's in it for you?" but my heart says, "Do you want them to hurt like you did? Would you really and truly want them to hurt like you did?". Of course I'll go with my heart, I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

What an exercise in growth. God, haven't we had enough stretching lately?

"Thank you Lord for being with me (and most of the time carrying me) through this. Please help this person. Bring them to You. Whether or not I ever have communication with them, You can. Rock their world and point them at You. Hold them the way You held me. In Your Amazing Name...Amen!"